He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
