why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
