I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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