Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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