you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
