There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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