You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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