I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
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Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
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Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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