he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
