I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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