fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
