I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You smell like stripper and shame
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
