Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
