I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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