you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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