Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
