I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
