Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
