4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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