tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
