Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
