you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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