My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
