I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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