Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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