Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
