I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
