PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
