what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
