What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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