Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
