Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
