Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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