Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
