Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.

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(734): I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue. http://tfl.nu/xccr

Replies (8) Good night (1036) Bad night (3230)
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(573): View more from Missouri

Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.

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(573): Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving. http://tfl.nu/96e5

Replies (33) Good night (825) Bad night (3208)
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(803): View more from South Carolina

just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car

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(803): just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car http://tfl.nu/l192

Replies (191) Good night (16236) Bad night (2459)
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(516): View more from New York

She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"

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(516): She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?" http://tfl.nu/g36q

Replies (14) Good night (5925) Bad night (1089)
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(404): View more from Georgia

considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.

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(404): considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out. http://tfl.nu/gm4o

Replies (14) Good night (1419) Bad night (3284)
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(727): View more from Florida

when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.

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(727): when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test. http://tfl.nu/l54a

Replies (6) Good night (3394) Bad night (983)
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(937): View more from Ohio

Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.

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(937): Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like. http://tfl.nu/1ho6

Replies (14) Good night (1327) Bad night (3449)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .

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(215): So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand . http://tfl.nu/gg9e

Replies (22) Good night (1178) Bad night (2923)
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(303): View more from Colorado

He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.

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(303): He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled. http://tfl.nu/tlei

Replies (2) Good night (434) Bad night (649)
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(314): View more from Missouri

Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.

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(314): Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night. http://tfl.nu/wauu

Replies (5) Good night (564) Bad night (968)
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(404): View more from Georgia

Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.

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(404): Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to. http://tfl.nu/ye3d

Replies (5) Good night (585) Bad night (398)
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(623): View more from Arizona

I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?

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(623): I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us? http://tfl.nu/w6tx

Replies (5) Good night (578) Bad night (332)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

someone needs to name a hurricane after you

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(919): someone needs to name a hurricane after you http://tfl.nu/pqzo

Replies (0) Good night (605) Bad night (232)
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(407): View more from Florida

I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.

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(407): I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober. http://tfl.nu/la4k

Replies (5) Good night (819) Bad night (275)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool

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(732): Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool http://tfl.nu/bwqp

Replies (0) Good night (459) Bad night (158)

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