He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND