I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
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I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
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I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
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