apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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