I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
