Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
