never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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