I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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