this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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