After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
