So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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