the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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