She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
