I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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