Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
