My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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