I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
