He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
