I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize