That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
