I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
