I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
