when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
