I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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