Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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