I faked an abortion last night.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
