i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
im six kinds of drunk right now
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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