Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
