Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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