He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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